Beam me up Scotty

…there’s no intelligent life down here.

I  have a couple of regular hangouts I frequent with my friends. It’s sort of a running joke that as the only non-smoker in the crowd I’m guaranteed to get approached by the cigar lady (she’s like one of those girls that goes from bar to bar selling roses except that she doesn’t sell roses and she’s not pretty. Or young for that matter) within 15 minutes of sitting down at any of these fine venues.

I’ve come to believe that she is supplementing her income by training idiots to track me down. Like boy scouts for the retarded.

Case in point #1:
I’m sitting in my office, minding my own business when I hear someone from our Helpless-desk asking around about our password management system. I brace myself for an encounter with one of the jedi of the corporate computing world.

HD: So I click on this link that says “Send me my password” and then I get this mail with my password in it. But it’s still the same, the system is not working.
Me: (opened up the admin screen already, have the details in front of me) Is this your password?
HD: Yes, but it’s the same as it was so it’s not working.
Me: Let’s try it quickly. ( I open up another screen where we can test it and would you believe it, the password works?!)

To spare you the ensuing back an forth, yes, the link that says “Send me my password” actually does send you your password. Silly programmers my colleagues and I, building a system that works. I guess it must be confusing when the system actually does what it said it was going to do – not something IT oaks are all that accustomed to. ..

Case in point #2:
Fan mail. What can I say. This will be hard even for the Afrikaans speaking people. I just sorta cut out a little bit, it really hurts the ears: “…lief vi jw j is m hele lewe eka sali sone jw kan kla komi eka kani wag om jw we te sien ni nt om jw we vas te hu en te soen…”

That just redefines trailer trash for me. Like Loyiso said, we have 11 official languages but that’s not one of them.

No, I don’t know who sent this. I suspect (no, make that seriously hoping) it’s just a prank.

Dear fan: Your Blackberry (your email footer proudly states that that’s where you sent it from) actually has a full QWERTY keyboard, use it, for the sake of any of your future victims’ sanity. Reading something spelled like that is just plain cruel and unusual punishment and then once one has deciphered it, it feels like you’ve been had for going to the trouble for reading such a piece of drivel. So if it was a prank, you got me, if not, get the fuck real.

Keep it real homies. RTFS and use the fuckin' QWERTY.


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