And they did.

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did. “Now we eat everybody.”

And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked: “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied: “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.

Linux is only free if your time has no value.

It works on my machine.

It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.

If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

With regard to adding more programmers to get a project done faster…Nine people can’t make a baby in a month.

A programmer started to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As he lay there in bed
Looping ’round in his head
was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;

Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.

You can stand on the shoulders of giants OR a big enough pile of dwarfs, works either way.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot

We better hurry up and start coding, there are going to be a lot of bugs to fix.

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.

Mostly, when you see programmers, they aren’t doing anything. One of the attractive things about programmers is that you cannot tell whether or not they are working simply by looking at them. Very often they’re sitting there seemingly drinking coffee and gossiping, or just staring into space. What the programmer is trying to do is get a handle on all the individual and unrelated ideas that are scampering around in his head.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I fell asleep during the Megadeth bit – sorry Dave. Not to be nasty, but I think Megadeth would have done a lot better with another vocalist. Everything else was good, it’s just that the vocals did not work for me at all.

And then Metallica. Man, they are simply in a class of their own. Good show, and “Am I evil” with all the guys playing together was magnificent. You’ll be hard pressed to ever find a fuller, fatter sound than the drums, bass & rhythm of four of the all time great metal bands put together on one song.

Two not so lekker things: 1 – I left my earplugs at home thinking it won’t be that loud. Big mistake. The sound quality inthe theatre is excellent so you don’t really realise how loud it was until you walk out. It’s 14 hours later and I can still feel the after effects. Heard the same from the guys in the other theatres. Heard….mwahahaha.
2: Although 75% full there was not much energy to be felt from the other people there. I heard it was a lot better in Brooklyn, but where I was I started feeling awkward tapping my feet to the beat. Everyone just sat while I thought we were going to be jumping on seats…

All in all a good show, finished at 1am. I thought I was going to be spread a bit thin today, but all is good. The boss is gone so it’s going to be an early afternoon

This weekend:
Delivering on my pet project tomorrow morning. Then entertain myself for a coupl of hours until Landmine Rock starts. Sunday looks like it’s going to be and my slackline. I might go check out some bouldering too – 2 spots I’ve been meaning to go see. Nothing new, but both spots seems to have stayed under the radar despite being close and safe. Hopefully not because it’s shit….

Other than that, it’s Friday afteroon – what are you still doing here?!

…..makes Jack a dull boy ( that’s a bad thing, I think ). Sooooo, I finished up my little private job despite some, shall we say, “challenges” wrt to my work environment - tonight it’s me and the boys from Metallica.

My project entailed updating software I wrote some 6 years back called “Problem Solving and Decision Making” for my friend Louis of RDM fame who created the problem solving methodology. Now for anyone not familiar with software life cycles, 6 years is like 175 in software-years – I’m quite proud of this simple but effective little program.

Updating was needed as it was written in (VB) .Net 1 based on an MSDE database engine. MSDE in order to scale to SQL servers of course, no puny Access db’s for the BigBadWolf thank you very much. Seriously though, at the time and to this day most if not all potential clients run Microsoft sites, so there’s no sense in trying to do it in something like MySQL.

Installing it on newer operating systems like Vista and Windows 7 became more and more problematic to the point where I decided an upgrade was in order. Converted it to C# and upgraded it to .Net 3.5, running on SQLExpress 2008.

Ok, that wraps up the consultant-speak section of this post. Back to the important stuff: 

If your company blocks the online player, the BigBadWolf just did you a little favour – download the clip here: CPR.

1. We’re more curious than the rest of the population.

2. We’re hackers by trade, so we are open to trying new things.

3. We produce things for ordinary users, so we’re more attuned to producing an orgasm in our partner then the rest of the population.

4. We use technology to help get you in the mood even before you arrive.

5. We’re more likely to mute our telephone, and turn down the volume on the computer so incoming IM’s don’t make a sound. We’re also used to not answering the telephone, instead preferring asynchronous means of communications.

6. We watch a lot of porn, so we know a lot of positions. This means we’re open to trying them all.

7. Geeks multitask. So we pleasure multiple erogenous zones in our partners… kissing, f***ing, tweaking and rubbing all at the same time.

8. We are more available. We can fix your vibrator when we’re not. Other people are not gonna steal us. We’re smart, and increasingly, we’re rich.

9. We’re sensitive to your needs. We learn this by spending way too much time with google analytics, nagios, server load times and iO rates.

10. Finally, we’re geeks. Girls prefer jocks. So we will go out of our way to be special to you.