DIY Gnome catcher

I’m in a bitchy, pissy mood because I’ve had an hour’s sleep last night. The night before about the same and the 14 days before that was not much better. It’s a “I’ll live while I’m alive & sleep when I’m dead” sorta thing I guess. On top of it all spending time with that lady who makes my heart skip a beat is proving to be quite tricky.

So take it like a man…..and by that I meant you motherfucker.

I’m pissed at several people who don’t have the common courtesy of answering a direct question. Some old friends, some new friends. Some other who commit to and then cancel on outings at the last minute, or just plain flake out. The ones who’s “maybe” is not “maybe”, it’s “I’m gonna cancel, just not right now, I’m working on an excuse”. I gave thought to the gifts going with the tickets, I give thought to your tastes when I invite you to shows.

Fuck it. I’m over it I’m having the time of my life and just wanted to share it with people I care for. I’m quite good at taking no for an answer, so don’t be shy, just don’t leave me hanging.

So this is how you build your own gnome catcher:

1: Find yourself a pipe. Everyone has an umbrella pole, so I opted for that. Next find something you can shove your cord through the pipe with like a wonky, thin feather duster. I used an old slackline for the noose, use whatver cord or thinnish rope you have lying around. The important thing here is that the shover-tool is of smaller diameter than the pipe.

And on that note: to the dumb ass (or is that numb ass?) who bragged to me about having so much “anul sex”: If it’s really that comfortable it just means his dick is much smaller than your asshole. Whichever is bigger or smaller it’s really a lose-lose situation. And please, please, for the love of God, use a spell checker.

2: Shove that cord through. Yeah, do it baby, no lube.

3: An unexpected but welcome bonus of using the umbrella pole is that you can thread the sling through the locking mechanism thus preventing you from pulling it through during a misguided capture attempt.

So I’m off with my posse to go lynch myself a gnome. Watch this space….

A day as Gaddafi. Two stunning women very dear to me driving me around town on a gnome hunt

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Tags: friends, I will wear my heart upon my sleeve, Projects, Rant, Rough day, status update