So take it like a man…..and by that I meant you motherfucker.

I’m pissed at several people who don’t have the common courtesy of answering a direct question. Some old friends, some new friends. Some other who commit to and then cancel on outings at the last minute, or just plain flake out. The ones who’s “maybe” is not “maybe”, it’s “I’m gonna cancel, just not right now, I’m working on an excuse”. I gave thought to the gifts going with the tickets, I give thought to your tastes when I invite you to shows.

Fuck it. I’m over it I’m having the time of my life and just wanted to share it with people I care for. I’m quite good at taking no for an answer, so don’t be shy, just don’t leave me hanging.

So this is how you build your own gnome catcher:

1: Find yourself a pipe. Everyone has an umbrella pole, so I opted for that. Next find something you can shove your cord through the pipe with like a wonky, thin feather duster. I used an old slackline for the noose, use whatver cord or thinnish rope you have lying around. The important thing here is that the shover-tool is of smaller diameter than the pipe.

And on that note: to the dumb ass (or is that numb ass?) who bragged to me about having so much “anul sex”: If it’s really that comfortable it just means his dick is much smaller than your asshole. Whichever is bigger or smaller it’s really a lose-lose situation. And please, please, for the love of God, use a spell checker.

2: Shove that cord through. Yeah, do it baby, no lube.

3: An unexpected but welcome bonus of using the umbrella pole is that you can thread the sling through the locking mechanism thus preventing you from pulling it through during a misguided capture attempt.

So I’m off with my posse to go lynch myself a gnome. Watch this space….

A day as Gaddafi. Two stunning women very dear to me driving me around town on a gnome hunt

All dogs go to heaven

A friend gave me a little speech last night, suffice it to say I did not like what I heard. I don’t want to be the person she was describing. I think I’m still scared of being alone, never having a girlfriend again and perhaps a little scared of me too. So I ended up dancing through nights, drinking a lot and pretending to be fine, but obviously I’m not.

“Self-destruction is the effect of cowardice in the highest extreme.”
~ Daniel Defoe

The universe has a strange way of letting you have exactly what you ask for and it looks like I’ve been asking for trouble. Thanks for friends who value me enough to say it to my face at a time when I value myself too little. And for giving me shit about 80’s club music. You’re right, that’s just wrong – what was I thinking!?

That thing I was hoping for is on indefinite hold, and using those words…. that’s me being kind to myself.

I have no grudges, no complaints. It was soft, sweet, new, titillating, exciting, fun and at the same time like an ice breaker ship in my heart. I have not felt this before.

I hope there’s more.  I’m ALIVE! I will not toe the line.

Colourful girl

I wanted to put up some lyrics here, but it just does not fit (Back from Cali – Slash). What I’m feeling is not dark, no regrets.

In about 2 week’s time, when the final certificates and whatever leftover red tape has been sorted, this baby (  <-  ) is going down.

It’s a little more than a bottle of old wine, it’s one of the last sentimental things I have left from the place, the time. I want to share the end of it with people that care for me.

Fuck, that was a hard one to get out.

I thank God for having just enough really good friends to make it hard to choose who to share this with – you can fill only so many glasses from a bottle. Thanks even more that some of them are in Montagu, making it a little easier to pick

I decided to treat myself to a weekend in Boven with my closest friends by booking us a house in (or as it turned out near) Waterval Boven. For some reason these things stress me out. I want it to be perfect for everybody and as a result I worry the whole time about shit – will the place be big enough, water warm, toilets clean etc. etc.

The place was perfect and exceeded all expectations. In the morning when I walked out and saw the ducks swimming in the river 15m away from the house, I knew I hit the spot. Everything turned out better than I had expected, yet it all ended leaving me with a little heart ache. Not the bad kind, just the kind that needs to be around for a while and then move on.

Good friends and a bottle of Poncho’s.
A late night after a long day’s climbing turned into something spectacular, to me at least. We ate like kings and diluted the day’s adrenaline with fine wine & whiskey. I got some precious insights into my friends’ hearts and our friendship grew because we could trust each other.

I am thankful. If I was brave I would have let go too.

You should know that the lies won’t hide your flaws(3)

Who’s to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way(3)

I loved my dogs. I had the one put down and left the other without a friend, a sister and without me to take her on a patrol around the plot. It breaks my heart when I think of it, so I don’t.

No one is innocent. You can not judge anyone, because sooner or later you will make those exact same mistakes – this was my punishment, the lesson to be learned for judging other.

It’s all good. I have the best friends I can ask for and I’ll forgive myself eventually. The future is bright, I feel excitement – live this life, everyday! (4)

Now, to embrace my inner-motherfucker  

Trust I seek and I find you
So tear me open but beware, there are things inside without a care
Tear me open, pour me out, there are things inside that scream and shout
Hold me, until it sleeps (1)

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself
And all the while a great wind carries me across the sky.(2)

(1) Metallica: Nothing Else Matters & Until it Sleeps
(2) Ojibwe Indian saying
(3) Seether: Fake it
(4) Prime Circle: Live this life

There goes my stuff:

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”- Robert McCloskey

Definitely a “Wicked Wednesday” ©®™ – all the symptoms are there. I have an endorphin low, a motivational gap, in a gumption trap: I’m feeling melancholy and mean (read to the beat of Ludo’s “Love me dead”:

“Love me cancerously
Like a salt-sore soaked in the sea
‘High-maintenance’ means
You’re a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean

Kill me romantically
Fill my soul with vomit
Then ask me for a piece of gum
Bitter and dumb, you’re my sugarplum
You’re awful, I love you

She moves through moonbeams slowly
She knows just how to hold me
And when her edges soften
Her body is my coffin

I know she drains me slowly
She wears me down to bones in bed
Must be the sign on my head
That says, oh, love me dead, love me dead

You’re a faith-healer on TV
You’re an office park without any trees
Corporate and cold, gushing with gold
Leave me alone

You suck so passionately
You’re a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature
Finger-bangin’ my heart, you call me a drunk
Does the fun ever start? You’re hideous and sexy

Love me cancerously
How’s your new boy?
Does he know about me?
You’ve got the mark of the beast
You’re born of a jackal, you’re beautiful”

Nothing a zombie massacre in our lunchtime Left 4 Dead session won’t cure. I’ll be back…

The “slight ache” in my forearms following my first session on my bouldering wall turned out to be a tad more than slight – it took about 4 day’s rest to fully recover. I’m now managing a session every second day, although I’m taking it much easier – no need to go and injure myself right now….

In my defense ( of my stupidity?! ) the wall’s angle ended up to be ever so slightly steeper than I’d hoped for: 34 degrees from vertical as opposed to the 15-20 degrees I had in mind. It’s still spitting me off ( a LOT ) which on the one hand makes me feel very weak and demotivated, but on the other hand I can already see some improvement already: I can hold grips I would never before have believed that I could and it’s getting better, a little at a time.

Now I just need to get rid of the spare tire….

Weekend is almost here: engaging auto pilot until 4pm.

When I got to work this morning I could hardly speak so the boss was kind enough to let me go feel sorry for myself elsewhere. Freedom!!

A cosy morning in bed and then back to work. I decided to not wait until Saturday to move the remaining stuff to Refilwe, but rather get it done this afternoon – pics to follow. My storage requirement is rapidly shrinking – woohooo! I’ve also seen the progress the guys are making and listened to James talking to the volunteers: they are serious about a self sustaining organic environment – I’m so excited to be able to witness the evolution of their project.

I have placed my bets and I’m now absolutely certain it was the best thing I could have done with the equipment. Sure, I could have sold it and probably bought myself a plane ticket to Europe or somewhere else I want to go, but it would have been a tedious and drawn out process with little satisfaction. I KNOW I’ll be going back to visit these people again and again, and seeing my small contribution grow into something more than the sum of the parts will be priceless.

However, the night, not eating and the hard work caught up with me, so I let my inner girl out and soaked in a hot tub… but only after making food fit for a king – a weird mix of mince, pasta and stewing sauce. Awesome!!

The weekend is looking good too: spoiled for choice of entertainment and company tomorrow night. An almost errand free Saturday, followed by more difficult decisions regarding which excellent entertainment offerings to peruse…. <sigh> Life’s tough! Muahahahahaha!

PS: The girl in the pic looks tired, like me, so that’s the reason for the pic. Promise.

“Man”, it said, “this might be next to nothing
and drawn through a bitter tap,
but it’s all you’ll ever have.
Don’t spill a drop.”
– John Glenday, from Grain, via Chris Floyd‘s ”Love and Strife: Don’t Spill A Drop”
 

the end